I curse myself for allowing it to happen... but once again I'm feeling the claws of depression closing in on my throat and my soul. I allowed medication for a short while believing that the initial cause of the accursed affliction was post-partum depression run amok. My doctor agreed, so we began the treatment.
Along with the medication I self-treated with a series of books on positivity, success and the law of attraction. My favorites being anything written by Napoleon Hill or the Napoleon Hill foundation after his death. Fascinating and uplifting stuff!!!
During the time I was reading the books and listening to the audiobooks and watching TV specials and just immersing myself in this ideal - I felt GREAT!! I was sticking to an excellent eating and exercise regemin and seeing results. I was seeing happiness and harmony at home and I was getting rave reviews at work and setting myself up for major upward movement.
....
So I finished all the books and they had to be returned to the library.
....
And I was still feeling good.
....
I went to my doctor and said life is good and I no longer need these drugs to sustain my mental health. She disagreed. She told me that depression is a life-long disease and its not physically possible to make more of the chemical that my brain is missing without medical help. I was furious and determined to prove her wrong.
....
And here we are roughly 2 months later and I've been proven wrong instead.
I'm right back where I started. Except I can honestly say I'm not depressed... I'm not sad... I'm not low and upset. I don't feel depressed.
I am however angry and frustrated ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING gets on my nerves - EV-ERY-TH-ING !!! I even get on my own nerves. AND I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!!!
I do NOT want to go back on drugs!!!
I've re-read my notes on positivity (yes, I took notes while reading and listening to those books) I've looked up the books I've read and requested them from the library again...
but I can't spend my life reading and listening to the same books over and over again without a break.
....
So I'm left with a question.... what the fuck is wrong with me???
Why can't I just be happy and content and calm and just let things be? Why can't I organize my thoughts and be a normal fucking person without the aid of books and drugs ?????
....
and while I'm at it... why don't people like me???????????????
....
*sigh*
I see myself headed back down a very dark road with no alleys or shortcuts for escape and I don't like it.
Its decision time......
I have made a decision.
I have decided to take control of my own mind and emotions.
I control how I feel and what I think and how I act.
I will not allow things to annoy me.
I will not allow things to anger me.
I will keep calm and be happy.
I will never again yell at my children.
I will be a success at every point in my life.
I will embody logic.
I will embody grace.
I am a success :)
Monday, June 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Do Great Things
I'm not going to do great things in my life.
I AM doing great things in my life.
I am visualizing my future - sending out positive vibrations into the future as an offering and waiting for the echo vibrations to return to me.
The law of attraction is working well for me!!!
I only just recently began actively seeking this type of information and reading these books... but the more I learn, I think back on events in my life and realize that I've already used all of the techniques I'm reading about to achieve my goals!!!!
My only limitation in the past has been my own imagination.
(Well... and depression... that shit will kick you square in the head)
But now I'm doing great things.
I am so happy and grateful that I weigh 140 pounds and am healthy and energized every day!!
I am enjoying every single day in this new position at work that was created just for me and my own unique skillset! I'm making over $100K now!!
I am so thrilled and grateful to be lying here on this gorgeous beach with my husband watching our children play in the sand!
I am so happy and grateful to be living in my gorgeous house! The cedar trees in the back yard smell amazing! I've got 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a pool, a garage, a fenced yard and A LIBRARY!!!
I'm so proud and grateful to have skyrocketed our girl scout troop to be the #1 most popular and successful and distinguised troop in the entire council! We've been on every television station in the viewing area and are being interviewed by the New York Times next week!
I am so happy and proud and thrilled and grateful that my book is now on the New York Times best seller list for this year!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE driving my brand spanking new Cadillac Escalade Hybrid!!!! ITS PURPLE!!!
I'm honored beyond belief to have so many famous and influential people on my list of personal contacts! I've helped them and they've helped me in return!
Things are going great on the City Council planning board! I'm so proud of all the projects I've helped along that are reaping huge benefits for the city!!
The kids and I are having more fun that I can even say watching Daddy being fitted for his personalized Mickey Mouse ears here in Disneyworld!! (We're off to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter next!)
There they are!!! My intentioal goals written in present-tense. I'm achieving these goals of mine because I am visualizing them as current reality. My energy is totally focused on these realistic goals and because energy attracts like energy, the universe will send me the tools I need to achieve what I want!
I AM doing great things in my life.
I am visualizing my future - sending out positive vibrations into the future as an offering and waiting for the echo vibrations to return to me.
The law of attraction is working well for me!!!
I only just recently began actively seeking this type of information and reading these books... but the more I learn, I think back on events in my life and realize that I've already used all of the techniques I'm reading about to achieve my goals!!!!
My only limitation in the past has been my own imagination.
(Well... and depression... that shit will kick you square in the head)
But now I'm doing great things.
I am so happy and grateful that I weigh 140 pounds and am healthy and energized every day!!
I am enjoying every single day in this new position at work that was created just for me and my own unique skillset! I'm making over $100K now!!
I am so thrilled and grateful to be lying here on this gorgeous beach with my husband watching our children play in the sand!
I am so happy and grateful to be living in my gorgeous house! The cedar trees in the back yard smell amazing! I've got 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a pool, a garage, a fenced yard and A LIBRARY!!!
I'm so proud and grateful to have skyrocketed our girl scout troop to be the #1 most popular and successful and distinguised troop in the entire council! We've been on every television station in the viewing area and are being interviewed by the New York Times next week!
I am so happy and proud and thrilled and grateful that my book is now on the New York Times best seller list for this year!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE driving my brand spanking new Cadillac Escalade Hybrid!!!! ITS PURPLE!!!
I'm honored beyond belief to have so many famous and influential people on my list of personal contacts! I've helped them and they've helped me in return!
Things are going great on the City Council planning board! I'm so proud of all the projects I've helped along that are reaping huge benefits for the city!!
The kids and I are having more fun that I can even say watching Daddy being fitted for his personalized Mickey Mouse ears here in Disneyworld!! (We're off to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter next!)
There they are!!! My intentioal goals written in present-tense. I'm achieving these goals of mine because I am visualizing them as current reality. My energy is totally focused on these realistic goals and because energy attracts like energy, the universe will send me the tools I need to achieve what I want!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Weirdness....
Sometimes I wish my boobs were detachable.
I wouldn't have to deal with bras - EVER.
I could just give them to my husband to play with... then reattach them when needed.
A weird wish, I know...but when you've carried around double Ds for years and nursed two babies - you kinda get sick of 'em.
I wouldn't have to deal with bras - EVER.
I could just give them to my husband to play with... then reattach them when needed.
A weird wish, I know...but when you've carried around double Ds for years and nursed two babies - you kinda get sick of 'em.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Venting my Frustration
My apologies to anyone who might actually read this. I am frustrated. I must vent. And I refuse to burden anyone in my real life with such petty bullshit.
I work at an insurance company.
A member of my team at work had a question on a policy regarding the rating and discounts on a vehicle.
I knew the answer to the question. I have a VA state P&C license - which shows I'm legally allowed to answer such questions to the public.
But in other respects, it also shows that I know WTF I'm saying.
Our trainer sits in the cubicle on the other side of the wall from me.
So while I'm asking supplemental questions to the teammate and subsequently giving the correct answer, the trainer is going through online manual after online manual and instant messaging cohorts in order to find the answer. It took her 12 minutes to find the exact answer I was able to give immediately.
SUMUP:
The trainer didn't know the answer to the fracking question.
I knew the answer off the top of my head.
Isn't this the type of thing a trainer ought to know?
And yet here I am... still in my lower function.
Unable to give answers even though I know what I'm saying.
Still making lowly money. Still with lowly status.
Meanwhile, our trainer (a person who I had to correct on multiple occasions during our training class a few months ago and clearly doesn't know the answers to even the simplest questions) is sitting 2 tiers above me making much more money than I am and just that much higher up the career ladder.
W. T. F. ???????
*sigh*
I need to breathe and relax.
I've only been back in this company for 7 months.
(side note: I worked here previously for 5 1/2 years and left to be a SAHM, then to pursue other avenues... after just over 3 years - I'm back)
I have not yet "technically" even reached my 1 year anniversary. Having been gone for longer than 12 months, I have completely lost my previous tenure. So I must start from scratch all over again.
Its frustrating.
Its maddening.
But it is what it is.
I must bide my time.
I must keep my head down.
I must keep my mouth shut.
I must do my work.
I must do my work properly.
I must do my work well.
I must show what I know and keep records of all the times I've had to correct the trainer.
I will be successful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's date: Monday, February 25, 2013
Today's Outfit: jeans and a button down black shirt with 3/4 length sleeves. Nothing fancy. Nothing notable. But very very comfy :)
Today's mood: Overall, very positive. I got my annual merit increase. My oldest jiblet won her classroom spelling bee. And its date night after work!!
Quote of the Day: "Let it Be"
Currently reading: "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" by Marshall Goldsmith (audiobook)
I work at an insurance company.
A member of my team at work had a question on a policy regarding the rating and discounts on a vehicle.
I knew the answer to the question. I have a VA state P&C license - which shows I'm legally allowed to answer such questions to the public.
But in other respects, it also shows that I know WTF I'm saying.
Our trainer sits in the cubicle on the other side of the wall from me.
So while I'm asking supplemental questions to the teammate and subsequently giving the correct answer, the trainer is going through online manual after online manual and instant messaging cohorts in order to find the answer. It took her 12 minutes to find the exact answer I was able to give immediately.
SUMUP:
The trainer didn't know the answer to the fracking question.
I knew the answer off the top of my head.
Isn't this the type of thing a trainer ought to know?
And yet here I am... still in my lower function.
Unable to give answers even though I know what I'm saying.
Still making lowly money. Still with lowly status.
Meanwhile, our trainer (a person who I had to correct on multiple occasions during our training class a few months ago and clearly doesn't know the answers to even the simplest questions) is sitting 2 tiers above me making much more money than I am and just that much higher up the career ladder.
W. T. F. ???????
*sigh*
I need to breathe and relax.
I've only been back in this company for 7 months.
(side note: I worked here previously for 5 1/2 years and left to be a SAHM, then to pursue other avenues... after just over 3 years - I'm back)
I have not yet "technically" even reached my 1 year anniversary. Having been gone for longer than 12 months, I have completely lost my previous tenure. So I must start from scratch all over again.
Its frustrating.
Its maddening.
But it is what it is.
I must bide my time.
I must keep my head down.
I must keep my mouth shut.
I must do my work.
I must do my work properly.
I must do my work well.
I must show what I know and keep records of all the times I've had to correct the trainer.
I will be successful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's date: Monday, February 25, 2013
Today's Outfit: jeans and a button down black shirt with 3/4 length sleeves. Nothing fancy. Nothing notable. But very very comfy :)
Today's mood: Overall, very positive. I got my annual merit increase. My oldest jiblet won her classroom spelling bee. And its date night after work!!
Quote of the Day: "Let it Be"
Currently reading: "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" by Marshall Goldsmith (audiobook)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
One step
I took one very small step in a favorable direction yesterday. I did a very small workout.
<special emphasis on the "very small">
But let me back up a bit.
I've been somewhat overweight ever since I became pregnant with jiblet #1 in 2002. I was an overweight child, but was a very healthy weight throughout my teens. Early adulthood brought on more freedoms - so a few pounds found their way back to me - but it wasn't until the blessed "event"... that it came pouring back onto me.
I reached my heaviest point in 2007 - just before conceiving jiblet #2. There are pictures of me from that time that I still refuse to look at to this day. I just can't believe that was actually ME!
During the second pregnancy, I lost 34 pounds - yep - you read that right - DURING the pregnancy! With my doctor's blessing, all I did was walk on the treadmill at work on both of my 15 minute breaks every workday for the duration of the pregnancy and "voila" - weight-go-buh-bye!
I managed to keep that weight off for a good long while - even during a SAHM stint (which, if you think its easy to keep weight off while staying at home with an infant - there are no words to tell you just how WRONG you are! LOL)
Its only been within the last 6 months that I've noticed it... its coming back!! The weight that I've so miraculously kept off for nearly 5 years is creeping its way back into my midsection, my neck, my arms, my hands - everywhere!
<disclaimer: I DO of course realize that this isn't some alien parasite that's invading my body
without any cause on my part... I fully realize that my actions did cause this... admitting it is
the difficult part>
My husband has likewise seen a certain robustness in his own midsection that wasn't there before... his has medical cause though - a new medication that has had unspeakably wonderful success with the affliction for which it was prescribed, has one major side-effect: extreme hunger (with an almost uncontrollable sugar craving)
Combined, we have put on a total of approximately 45 pounds since October.
The good thing about all of this (because its something I trained myself to do years ago - ALWAYS find atleast one sliver of positivity in every situation) is that my husband and I have neither noticed nor judged the weight gain on each other. We each noticed it in ourselves, of course, but I never would have noticed his gain if he hadn't pointed it out to me and talked about it. Likewise, he told me that he never would have noticed mine. Nor does it bother either of us that the other has gained. We both still view each other the same as we always have! <3 Love - I ask you - is there anything better? :)
But I've veered off of my beginning thought... a step in a favorable direction.
In conversation with Roxy, I managed to narrow down the causes of my gain and my problems in correcting it. Basically it all boils down to laziness and disorganization.
So I've decided to take the advice so widely given by the Nike company: "Just DO it!"
And that's exactly what I did last night.
I've been trying to encourage my MIL for months to get some exercise (she, sadly, is rather morbidly obese). During a google search, I found a series of exercise one can do while seated! Cardio, core, arms, legs, everything! Each of them are no longer than 11 minutes and are very doable.
I decided I would by a hypocrite if I was nagging her to exercise and I myself was becoming more sedentary by the day... so I pulled up the basic 11 minute seated workout last night and tried it for myself.
OMG - a serious eye-opener as to exactly how out of shape I have become!!!
This workout was supposed to elevate the heart rate - but I got completely winded by the end of it!!!!
I'm glad I started there - because now I have a gauge of exactly where I am, and how far I still have to go.
So last night was my one step in a positive direction.
First, I need to "just do it" every day - work out. EVERY day! I'm not giving myself any days off!
This will atleast get me started toward taking off the weight I've gained in the last few months...
once I'm back where I began - I can work toward taking off the rest of my excess bulk.
I'm Matron of Honor in my SIL's wedding in September... so I've got a goal date!!!
Now I just need to make a plan and actually STICK to it!!!
<special emphasis on the "very small">
But let me back up a bit.
I've been somewhat overweight ever since I became pregnant with jiblet #1 in 2002. I was an overweight child, but was a very healthy weight throughout my teens. Early adulthood brought on more freedoms - so a few pounds found their way back to me - but it wasn't until the blessed "event"... that it came pouring back onto me.
I reached my heaviest point in 2007 - just before conceiving jiblet #2. There are pictures of me from that time that I still refuse to look at to this day. I just can't believe that was actually ME!
During the second pregnancy, I lost 34 pounds - yep - you read that right - DURING the pregnancy! With my doctor's blessing, all I did was walk on the treadmill at work on both of my 15 minute breaks every workday for the duration of the pregnancy and "voila" - weight-go-buh-bye!
I managed to keep that weight off for a good long while - even during a SAHM stint (which, if you think its easy to keep weight off while staying at home with an infant - there are no words to tell you just how WRONG you are! LOL)
Its only been within the last 6 months that I've noticed it... its coming back!! The weight that I've so miraculously kept off for nearly 5 years is creeping its way back into my midsection, my neck, my arms, my hands - everywhere!
<disclaimer: I DO of course realize that this isn't some alien parasite that's invading my body
without any cause on my part... I fully realize that my actions did cause this... admitting it is
the difficult part>
My husband has likewise seen a certain robustness in his own midsection that wasn't there before... his has medical cause though - a new medication that has had unspeakably wonderful success with the affliction for which it was prescribed, has one major side-effect: extreme hunger (with an almost uncontrollable sugar craving)
Combined, we have put on a total of approximately 45 pounds since October.
The good thing about all of this (because its something I trained myself to do years ago - ALWAYS find atleast one sliver of positivity in every situation) is that my husband and I have neither noticed nor judged the weight gain on each other. We each noticed it in ourselves, of course, but I never would have noticed his gain if he hadn't pointed it out to me and talked about it. Likewise, he told me that he never would have noticed mine. Nor does it bother either of us that the other has gained. We both still view each other the same as we always have! <3 Love - I ask you - is there anything better? :)
But I've veered off of my beginning thought... a step in a favorable direction.
In conversation with Roxy, I managed to narrow down the causes of my gain and my problems in correcting it. Basically it all boils down to laziness and disorganization.
So I've decided to take the advice so widely given by the Nike company: "Just DO it!"
And that's exactly what I did last night.
I've been trying to encourage my MIL for months to get some exercise (she, sadly, is rather morbidly obese). During a google search, I found a series of exercise one can do while seated! Cardio, core, arms, legs, everything! Each of them are no longer than 11 minutes and are very doable.
I decided I would by a hypocrite if I was nagging her to exercise and I myself was becoming more sedentary by the day... so I pulled up the basic 11 minute seated workout last night and tried it for myself.
OMG - a serious eye-opener as to exactly how out of shape I have become!!!
This workout was supposed to elevate the heart rate - but I got completely winded by the end of it!!!!
I'm glad I started there - because now I have a gauge of exactly where I am, and how far I still have to go.
So last night was my one step in a positive direction.
First, I need to "just do it" every day - work out. EVERY day! I'm not giving myself any days off!
This will atleast get me started toward taking off the weight I've gained in the last few months...
once I'm back where I began - I can work toward taking off the rest of my excess bulk.
I'm Matron of Honor in my SIL's wedding in September... so I've got a goal date!!!
Now I just need to make a plan and actually STICK to it!!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Small Talk
I've never been a fan of pleasantries. Greeting people and saying "Hello" or "Hi" or "Hey" is perfectly fine. That never bothers me... what bothers me is the exchange that comes after the greeting.
"How are you?"
Hmm....is this just a socially dictated question to which you don't expect to receive an answer, or do you genuinely care about my well-being? I say its the first. You don't give a rat's ass how I am... and my guess would be that if I were to give you a true account of how I am, you'd either freak out and run away because of the TMI aspect and proceed to spread my business to everyone you see...(that's if its bad) or you'd take that moment to begin your lifelong hatred of me for being happy and daring to state the fact out loud (if its good) So do I give a true account of my current state? Nope... I too bow to social protocol and say the requisite:
"Fine."
And... since I've already caved... I go ahead and finish the exchange with the equally hollow:
"And you?"
I truly don't give a shit.
Why oh WHY must I endure this every time I step into a public ladies room??? Or even the ladies room at work??? I'm in there to empty my bladder and wash my hands... I'm not there to fein an interest in the affairs of the bitches who work with me... they're in there to empty their bladders too!!! Seriously... do I really need to inquire in this circumstance? Social protocol dictates that, yes, I must...
*sigh*
Aaaaaand... since I'm already on the subject of bathroom happenings that irk me... I'll go one more...
Imagine you're alone in a rather largeish ladies room at work that holds 12 stalls. You're occupying one, so there are 11 empty stalls available for the next person who comes in. Why is it - that more often than not, when the next person enters the bathroom - they take the stall directly NEXT TO ME ?!?!?! OMG bitch - there are 10 OTHER stalls you could have chosen that ARE NOT next to ME!! GO somewhere else!!!!!
Does that bother anybody else?? Or am I freakishly alone in this?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's date: Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Mood: HUNGRY !!! That's not necessarily a mood... but its occupying the majority of my brain right now... so that's what I'm going with.
Weather: Colder'n' a witch's titty
Seriously... I brought a blanket to work... I'm considering bringing in a Snuggie.... its not a bad idea, actually...
Song of the day: "O.P.P." Naughty by Nature
Thought of the day: "Shit floats"
"How are you?"
Hmm....is this just a socially dictated question to which you don't expect to receive an answer, or do you genuinely care about my well-being? I say its the first. You don't give a rat's ass how I am... and my guess would be that if I were to give you a true account of how I am, you'd either freak out and run away because of the TMI aspect and proceed to spread my business to everyone you see...(that's if its bad) or you'd take that moment to begin your lifelong hatred of me for being happy and daring to state the fact out loud (if its good) So do I give a true account of my current state? Nope... I too bow to social protocol and say the requisite:
"Fine."
And... since I've already caved... I go ahead and finish the exchange with the equally hollow:
"And you?"
I truly don't give a shit.
Why oh WHY must I endure this every time I step into a public ladies room??? Or even the ladies room at work??? I'm in there to empty my bladder and wash my hands... I'm not there to fein an interest in the affairs of the bitches who work with me... they're in there to empty their bladders too!!! Seriously... do I really need to inquire in this circumstance? Social protocol dictates that, yes, I must...
*sigh*
Aaaaaand... since I'm already on the subject of bathroom happenings that irk me... I'll go one more...
Imagine you're alone in a rather largeish ladies room at work that holds 12 stalls. You're occupying one, so there are 11 empty stalls available for the next person who comes in. Why is it - that more often than not, when the next person enters the bathroom - they take the stall directly NEXT TO ME ?!?!?! OMG bitch - there are 10 OTHER stalls you could have chosen that ARE NOT next to ME!! GO somewhere else!!!!!
Does that bother anybody else?? Or am I freakishly alone in this?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's date: Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Mood: HUNGRY !!! That's not necessarily a mood... but its occupying the majority of my brain right now... so that's what I'm going with.
Weather: Colder'n' a witch's titty
Seriously... I brought a blanket to work... I'm considering bringing in a Snuggie.... its not a bad idea, actually...
Song of the day: "O.P.P." Naughty by Nature
Thought of the day: "Shit floats"
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Phoneless....
But only because I left it at home today. Grr... I despise the wretched thing, but I must admit that I've gotten so used to having it and being able to send and receive calls at will, that being without it is somewhat of a blow to my sense of normalcy. Oh well... its just one day. And I can send texts to people via our service provider's website. So I'm not completely without communication. LOL!!!
Today's date: 1/22/2013
Weather: Cold, freezing, frigid, ultracold, cutting, bitter, bone-chilling, arctic, frosty (synonyms for cold provided by http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/cold)
Currently reading: The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor - Alice in Wonderland has always been my most favorite childhood fantasy story!!! Even now as an adult I just LOVE it!! Some people identify more with the Wizard of Oz and its successing stories... but I prefer Alice. I've only just cracked the cover... so I can't comment too much on the story just yet... but OMG... I just can't WAIT!!! :-D
Clothes: warm stuff... seriously... I can't emphasize enough just how COLD it is today!!! *brrr*
Picture of the day:
Today's date: 1/22/2013
Weather: Cold, freezing, frigid, ultracold, cutting, bitter, bone-chilling, arctic, frosty (synonyms for cold provided by http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/cold)
Currently reading: The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor - Alice in Wonderland has always been my most favorite childhood fantasy story!!! Even now as an adult I just LOVE it!! Some people identify more with the Wizard of Oz and its successing stories... but I prefer Alice. I've only just cracked the cover... so I can't comment too much on the story just yet... but OMG... I just can't WAIT!!! :-D
Clothes: warm stuff... seriously... I can't emphasize enough just how COLD it is today!!! *brrr*
Picture of the day:
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Survey !! (remember these??)
Roxy and I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE passing the work hours doing these silly things... back and forth commenting on each other's increasingly hilarious answers....
And so, as a nod in the direction of nostalgia and silliness.... here we go... a generic survey thingy found on a blog post on another site.
1. Where is your cell phone?
Plugged in, charging, on top of the little table behind my couch. (its currently NOT on... which is probably a mistake, but whatevs)
2. Spouse?
Yes... I do have one of those!!! He's sleeping.
3. Your Hair?
In a messy bun. I just recently learned that bangs are back in style! which is super cool b/c I gave myself bangs a week or so ago... I was right with the style change and never even knew it!! COOL!!!
4. Your mother?
Yes... I have one of those too... she's at work.
5. Your father?
3 for 3... I have one of those as well! No clue what he's up to today.
6. Your favorite thing?
OMG what a loaded question... I can't choose just ONE favorite thing in the world.... but I'll take the question literally as a material possession... my favorite material possession currently is my house. LOL! There - that covers lots of stuff! HAHA
7. Your dream last night?
Can't really say I remember last night's dreams.... night before last I dreamt that a friend of mine was pregnant with her 3rd child. She was horrified when I told her - then LOL'd. HAHAHA!!
8. favorite drink?
Coffee
9. What room are you in?
My living room. Interesting fact about living rooms... they used to be called "Death" rooms back in early American days (ie Civil War times and prior) because when a family member died, they readied the body and then laid it out for display in the main room of the house for mourners to come and pay respects. When this practice was deemed inappropriate and done away with, the name of the main room of the house was forever changed from the Death room to the LIVING room. Cool, huh?
10. Your hobbies?
A&C - arts and crafts. I do so love a good craft project. And reading. I'm a complete bibliophile.
11. Your fear?
Losing my babies. Asphyxiation/suffocation.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Down 80 pounds... Living in a bigger house in a nicer part of town... Atleast one (maybe two) tiers up the promotional ladder at work...Maybe even in Canada... !!
13. Where were you last night?
In my most favorite ugly comfy armchair in my living room.
14. Something you aren't?
A man
15. Muffins?
Yum!
16. One wish list item?
more books
17. Your vehicle?
A little red chevy car and a great big huge white SUV
18. When was the last time you cried?
wow... I honestly can't remember...
19. Last thing you did?
Put the jiblets to bed.
20. Your pet?
Two - an outdoorsy cat - very sweet disposition, but never hesitates to kill a mouse or bird that threatens our home.
- an indoorsy dog - also sweet disposition... very intelligent... but completely dumb when it comes to cats - loses all of her senses and runs off like a wild animal after it!
__________________________________________________________________________________
And so, as a nod in the direction of nostalgia and silliness.... here we go... a generic survey thingy found on a blog post on another site.
1. Where is your cell phone?
Plugged in, charging, on top of the little table behind my couch. (its currently NOT on... which is probably a mistake, but whatevs)
2. Spouse?
Yes... I do have one of those!!! He's sleeping.
3. Your Hair?
In a messy bun. I just recently learned that bangs are back in style! which is super cool b/c I gave myself bangs a week or so ago... I was right with the style change and never even knew it!! COOL!!!
4. Your mother?
Yes... I have one of those too... she's at work.
5. Your father?
3 for 3... I have one of those as well! No clue what he's up to today.
6. Your favorite thing?
OMG what a loaded question... I can't choose just ONE favorite thing in the world.... but I'll take the question literally as a material possession... my favorite material possession currently is my house. LOL! There - that covers lots of stuff! HAHA
7. Your dream last night?
Can't really say I remember last night's dreams.... night before last I dreamt that a friend of mine was pregnant with her 3rd child. She was horrified when I told her - then LOL'd. HAHAHA!!
8. favorite drink?
Coffee
9. What room are you in?
My living room. Interesting fact about living rooms... they used to be called "Death" rooms back in early American days (ie Civil War times and prior) because when a family member died, they readied the body and then laid it out for display in the main room of the house for mourners to come and pay respects. When this practice was deemed inappropriate and done away with, the name of the main room of the house was forever changed from the Death room to the LIVING room. Cool, huh?
10. Your hobbies?
A&C - arts and crafts. I do so love a good craft project. And reading. I'm a complete bibliophile.
11. Your fear?
Losing my babies. Asphyxiation/suffocation.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Down 80 pounds... Living in a bigger house in a nicer part of town... Atleast one (maybe two) tiers up the promotional ladder at work...Maybe even in Canada... !!
13. Where were you last night?
In my most favorite ugly comfy armchair in my living room.
14. Something you aren't?
A man
15. Muffins?
Yum!
16. One wish list item?
more books
17. Your vehicle?
A little red chevy car and a great big huge white SUV
18. When was the last time you cried?
wow... I honestly can't remember...
19. Last thing you did?
Put the jiblets to bed.
20. Your pet?
Two - an outdoorsy cat - very sweet disposition, but never hesitates to kill a mouse or bird that threatens our home.
- an indoorsy dog - also sweet disposition... very intelligent... but completely dumb when it comes to cats - loses all of her senses and runs off like a wild animal after it!
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Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Holy Argan Oil Batman!!!
Holy Argan Oil Batman!!!
The Holy Grail of beauty supplies!!!
For months now a good (and stunningly beautiful) friend of mine has been talking to me about Argan Oil : mainly for my hair… but also for complexion and nails (all of my gripes!!!) and gave me a sample packet of it (from Sally’s Beauty Supply) along with sample packets for different shampoos and conditioners. I went home yesterday from work with my hair feeling dry and brittle and I couldn’t run my fingers through it on the top without them practically getting stuck and the dry, brittle strands breaking off in clumps… FREAKOUT! I’m eating a healthy diet and exercising and eating all the right nutrients… but my hair was a disaster!!!
So immediately after work I went home, made a nice, healthy dinner and went and took a shower and used my fancy new product. – I don’t know what magical elixir this this…. BUT IT WORKS!! My hair is AMAZING!!! – I just started using it on my face too to even up my complexion and reduce the crows’ feet and laugh lines that are now seriously defining my face.
It worked on my hair immediately, but from what I’m reading it takes a little longer to really show the difference on your face when it comes to the fine lines and wrinkles. --- I’ll keep you posted.
More Product Reviews: ULTA – my new most favorite store on the planet… and the WORST one for my wallet! Yes, their products are a little pricey, but it works! And it’s GOOD STUFF! And I want EVERYTHING in there!! Literally… everything! And because of this store, and my new love for Argan oil.. I really want to grow my hair out super long again. you know… now that (at age 30) I finally know how to take care of it! :: but seeing as how my funds were VERY limited yesterday, all I got there was lip gloss by essence in “Stay with Me” hot pink/fuchsia. Gorgeous!! It goes with my skin tone flawlessly and it’s bold and brilliant!
And while I was on my mini shopping spree, I also picked up 2 new fragrances from Bath and Body Works (the $1 upcoming line sample bottles) in honey sweetheart (smells like a sweet tart) and some purple one that I cant think of the name right now… but was also pretty yummy…. Something ‘dais’y.
Today’s Date: 1.16.13
Mood: irritated. I really don’t feel like answering the phones today and listening to people bitch about their stupid problems. I would be okay if these people had legitimate problems, but all any of these people want is for us to cradle them and hold their hands and hand them over money. Everyone thinks their little inconvenience is the end of the world and a personal assault to them and ready to sue and feel the need to yell and scream at me and treat me like I’m the one who’s stupid. I'm just not in the mood to deal with this today. And yea… it could be the weather. And don’t get me wrong!! I love my job. I mean… I do! And I definitely love having a job so I can buy all the crap I think I need… but I never have time off. I finally have a full weekend off this upcoming weekend… but then I am working 6 days next week – overtime… that’s awesome… but I didn’t ask for it. I was basically told I was working OT when I pulled up my schedule.
Health: meh. I’m alive
Weather: terrible!!! It’s been raining non-stop for 3 days. One no longer dodges the puddles in the parking lot, because the whole parking lot is a giant puddle of standing water. And it’s cold too. I think it was 37 this morning when I left. And tomorrow… they’re calling for snow. Up to 6 inches. – I absolutely hate winter. And I’m so sick of the rain. So we’re gonna have a massive flood once all of this passes and melts. Good thing I live on the second level and that it’s about 30ft from the ground (most definitely much higher than the standard second floor… but I’m not counting the laundry room in the basement… so I guess technically I’m 3rd floor.
Outfit: black long sleeve, bat wing shirt that is really huge on me… but I like that. Light wash super flair jeans from American Eagle and my Steve Madden booties.
>>> nails: bare. Letting them breathe. Also trimmed the brittle tips off again to allow healthy growth and so I would stop stressing over the “not-yet-healthy” part tear off
>>>accessories: Ed Hardy dog tag. Pink watch and a lime green rubber bracelet that says “LIVE*LAUGH*LOVE” that I got with my arm band I put my phone and iPod in when I workout. And my frog ring
>>>makeup: very simple pallet today. Peach with coffee and frosting… WHAT? those are the actual color names! It sounds like a Cupcake from HEAVEN!
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day: “LIVE*LAUGH*LOVE” – “and hang up on stupid bitches”
Song of the Day:
Picture of the Day:
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Anti-Resolution, Inspiration, Signs & Nerds
It wasn't a conscious decision... but I seem to have made the opposite of the typical cliche New Years Resolution to "eat better and lose weight"....
Since Christmas week, I've been eating too much, drinking lots of soda, eating foods I know are bad for me, snacking all day and not moving my ass any more than necessary.
........ I don't like the way I feel...........
There - I admit it.... I look and feel like shit - and I have no delusions about the fact that its 100% my own fault. There's something simultaneously shameful and liberating about not only knowing that fact, but admitting it to strangers on the internet (and Roxy, of course)
My dear Roxy is my inspiration to eat better and move my ass to lose this weight!! She has set herself goals, and is truly living the path she has set for herself. I'm SO proud of her progress - and she is my inspiration to walk a similar path. :-D
Since Christmas week, I've been eating too much, drinking lots of soda, eating foods I know are bad for me, snacking all day and not moving my ass any more than necessary.
........ I don't like the way I feel...........
There - I admit it.... I look and feel like shit - and I have no delusions about the fact that its 100% my own fault. There's something simultaneously shameful and liberating about not only knowing that fact, but admitting it to strangers on the internet (and Roxy, of course)
My dear Roxy is my inspiration to eat better and move my ass to lose this weight!! She has set herself goals, and is truly living the path she has set for herself. I'm SO proud of her progress - and she is my inspiration to walk a similar path. :-D
****SUBJECT CHANGE****
I've been giving a lot of thought lately to my career path. Ten years ago I dreamt only of being a stay-at-home Mommy & wifey. Of course, given the choice, I'd still take that deal today in an heartbeat! However, the chemical changes that have occured in my brain through the biology of aging have helped me to think more rationally. I still don't like the fact that I have to leave my house, husband and kids every day for the majority of the day, but I can accept it and live with it. We are fortunate to never have had to subject our children to the horrors of daycare - so with that positive fact alone, I feel a thousand percent better!
However, back to my opening point... now that I've made peace with the fact that I must work in order to keep a roof over my children's heads, I've decided that I may as well make myself happy... or make myself a lot of money... or maybe both... I'll shoot for both, but hey - let's be realistic! LOL !! By a series of strange circumstances, I've ended up several years into an insurance career. First I worked in the processing center, left to stay home with jiblet #2 for a little while, got a job in an insurance agency completely by accident (where I studied hard and was awarded with a license to bind & examine personal insurance and monthly bonuses) all of which landed me right back in the same department where I began this journey... albeit up one tier on the processing ladder, and with a manager that is willing to do whatever she can do to help develop our careers toward the goals we want to achieve!! All I have to do now is decide where I want to go! First I wanted to eventually end up in Underwriting... however, the vast majority of those jobs with this company have been outsourced (not overseas... just to other companies)... I know I want NOTHING more to do with sales... (blech)... maybe rating and compliance? <-- that last one is the most attainable.
Now, you may as well know now that Roxy and I both believe in signs. We both see them, and we both believe in atleast investigating, if not fully following what we find.
For the last week, i've been seeing and hearing the term "Futures" everywhere... Ev-evry- WHERE !!! In the news, online in random places, in fictional books I'm reading, even in random personal coversations!!!!! After a few days of this I started paying attention to where I was seeing it... and then after 5 days, I started doing my research. I'll be honest that I don't know much about finance... but this particular branch of finance is very interesting to me!!!!! I'm wondering if a career change from insurance over to finance might not be in the cards for me?? Hmm... stay tuned to see where this goes....
****ANOTHER SUBJECT CHANGE****
I know it just affirms my nerd status, but I'm absolutely psyched about a new reality show coming up on TBS called "Kind of the Nerds". Maybe I've just been watching "The Big Bang Theory" for so long I can't wait to watch more nerds on TV... but it just looks hilarious!!!
**The USUAL**
Today's Date: Tuesday January 15, 2013
Weather: rainy & chilly
Mood: Cool :) Had a productive day at work, good date night with my other half ( I despise the word "hubby"), got all the dishes washed (seriously... this NEVER happens), and actually have some time to think coherent thoughts to myself before bedtime.
Clothes: Currently, I'm wearing long charcoal grey yoga pants and a chocolate brown vneck tshirt, wet hair tied up in a bun. During the day I wore charcoal grey jeans, black microfiber tshirt, black cotton cardigan that has been mentioned frequently in this blog, brown striped socks, same ugly black shoes.
Currently Reading: Nothing yet... I just finished re-re-re-reading the Harry Potter series... I need to choose another print book for home AND another audiobook for work... suggestions??
Song of the Day: "Only Happy When It Rains" Garbage
Randomness: My dog is laying on her back in my most comfy armchair, all sprawled out with all 4 limbs in completely different directions - passed out snoring her butt off.
LOL!!! Its adorable !!!!!!!!
Nite Nite!
superannuated
adjective 1: Outmoted; Old-Fashioned 2: older than the typical member of a specified group
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^^^^ *sigh* that's me.... "Superannuated".... old... ancient...decrepit... passe'... I could go on, but this is depressing...
Why the sudden realization of age??? I've been told that certain slang that has been around since before my time is now considered to be horribly passe' and pathetic. Such examples include (but are not limited to) "Cool"; "Old-School"; "Word"; "I heard that"....
I'm officially a member of the obsolete generation now because not only is the slang of my youth ridiculed, but I caught myself saying "Ugh... kids these days... what next?" Then facepalmed myself because I heard my father in those words...
*wince*
I guess its time to go shopping for burial plots and blue hair rinses.... Its all down hill from here. :'(
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Shake, shake, shake senora
Again... sitting at work on a weekend bored to tears.
Listening to the boys bullshit with one another and try to one up each other with their "one time me and my buddy" stories.
No phone calls. - I've had 3 all day and all three were transfers.
So I'm rearranging my desk to a "beachy" theme and listening to "beachy" music.
-No Shoes. No Shirt. No Problems-
and I dont even like Kenny Chesney
(except his song "Come Over" - i like that one)
My "Beach Desk" is already making me happier. so bright. so colorful. so pretty.
I need a sunlamp
The only other girl here today gets on my damn nerves. She's just dumb. 27 going on 13. Irritates the shit out of me. Got 3 kids... more immature than they are. Gossipy too. And one of those that will come up with "let me tell you how cool I am stories" to make you think she's really cool. Then you hear her tell it a little differently... and then forgets what version she told you and tells you again and it's totally not the same story. And tells the world her personal life and then loudly proclaims that she doesnt want anyone knowing her business and "it's [her] life, and people need to mind dey own business"..... she also likes to ask me for fitness advice and talks about how serious she is about getting into shape and eating right and buys a bag of candy for her desk, eats half of it and then talks about me to other girls on the team like i'm some know it all bitch. ---- Eat another Reese Cup, fatty, and shut that fucking mouth of yours.
115 days and I'll actually be at the beach.
-2.5 lbs. ... lots more to go
listening to steel drums. i want a steel drum
I want to sneak off to St. Thomas in 2 weeks too.... dammitman!!! ((maybe next time))
On with our regularly scheduled program:
Today’s Date: 1.13.13 Sunday… AT WORK!
Mood: content
Health: I feel lazy. I haven’t worked out in 2 days! GASP!!!!!!!
Weather: AWESOME!!!! But, alas, I’m stuck INSIDE!!!! GAAAH!!!
Outfit: black Everlast boodie, black ribbed tee, black capri running pants and black and pink padded Nike flip flops.
>>> nails: OPI Liquid Sand “Stay the Night” over black
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day:
Song of the Day: Some Random Steel Drum Band
Picture of the Day:
xoxo - Roxy
Listening to the boys bullshit with one another and try to one up each other with their "one time me and my buddy" stories.
No phone calls. - I've had 3 all day and all three were transfers.
So I'm rearranging my desk to a "beachy" theme and listening to "beachy" music.
-No Shoes. No Shirt. No Problems-
and I dont even like Kenny Chesney
(except his song "Come Over" - i like that one)
My "Beach Desk" is already making me happier. so bright. so colorful. so pretty.
I need a sunlamp
The only other girl here today gets on my damn nerves. She's just dumb. 27 going on 13. Irritates the shit out of me. Got 3 kids... more immature than they are. Gossipy too. And one of those that will come up with "let me tell you how cool I am stories" to make you think she's really cool. Then you hear her tell it a little differently... and then forgets what version she told you and tells you again and it's totally not the same story. And tells the world her personal life and then loudly proclaims that she doesnt want anyone knowing her business and "it's [her] life, and people need to mind dey own business"..... she also likes to ask me for fitness advice and talks about how serious she is about getting into shape and eating right and buys a bag of candy for her desk, eats half of it and then talks about me to other girls on the team like i'm some know it all bitch. ---- Eat another Reese Cup, fatty, and shut that fucking mouth of yours.
115 days and I'll actually be at the beach.
-2.5 lbs. ... lots more to go
listening to steel drums. i want a steel drum
I want to sneak off to St. Thomas in 2 weeks too.... dammitman!!! ((maybe next time))
On with our regularly scheduled program:
Today’s Date: 1.13.13 Sunday… AT WORK!
Mood: content
Health: I feel lazy. I haven’t worked out in 2 days! GASP!!!!!!!
Weather: AWESOME!!!! But, alas, I’m stuck INSIDE!!!! GAAAH!!!
Outfit: black Everlast boodie, black ribbed tee, black capri running pants and black and pink padded Nike flip flops.
>>> nails: OPI Liquid Sand “Stay the Night” over black
>>>accessories: Ed Hardy dog tag
>>>makeup: none
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day:
Song of the Day: Some Random Steel Drum Band
Picture of the Day:
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Off the Wall:
Having a strange day. one of those un-settling thoughts kind of days.
I’m stuck in the office all weekend and, of course, we’re having unseasonably warm weather. But I’m stuck here staring at my cubicle walls waiting for the next bitch customer to call in a whine about not getting their way. – I miss my friend today. I just feel like something’s wrong.
I want to leave. I want to go to the gym. I want to go home and rearrange my apartment.
I just feel very ‘out of it’
I want to go to dance class. I miss not having a class every day now.
I’m too bored and too listless to even give this much effort.
I want my friend. Just hang out. I hate when I feel like something is wrong.
I’m so bored.
No makeup. Hair is a mess. Nails look like crap. Posture is non-existent. Not hungry. Not thirsty. I just feel like I don’t exist. Like I’m real and I take up space and time… but empty.
And. I don’t care about these people’s “issues today”. I just don’t. these measly little problems.
Maybe I’m just a bitch. But today I don’t care.
Having a strange day. one of those un-settling thoughts kind of days.
I’m stuck in the office all weekend and, of course, we’re having unseasonably warm weather. But I’m stuck here staring at my cubicle walls waiting for the next bitch customer to call in a whine about not getting their way. – I miss my friend today. I just feel like something’s wrong.
I want to leave. I want to go to the gym. I want to go home and rearrange my apartment.
I just feel very ‘out of it’
I want to go to dance class. I miss not having a class every day now.
I’m too bored and too listless to even give this much effort.
I want my friend. Just hang out. I hate when I feel like something is wrong.
I’m so bored.
No makeup. Hair is a mess. Nails look like crap. Posture is non-existent. Not hungry. Not thirsty. I just feel like I don’t exist. Like I’m real and I take up space and time… but empty.
And. I don’t care about these people’s “issues today”. I just don’t. these measly little problems.
Maybe I’m just a bitch. But today I don’t care.
Friday, January 11, 2013
"That's why I don't vote"....
That was my father's reply to my text sharing with him the news that I have jury duty for the month of February.
My husband texted me asking if I could call him.... I'm thinking "uh-oh... what did one of the kids do now?"
When I called him he's laughing hysterically!! When I asked what's up - his laughter redoubles as he tells me that after he got home from picking up Giblet #1 from school, there was an envelope taped to the front door from the Sheriff's office.... thinking something was terribly wrong, he opened it to find a summons.... for jury duty.... with MY name on it....
*sigh*
Oh well... I guess it could be worse....
My employer will pay for my time away....
The government will pay me for each day served...
And I get to practice my 19th amendment right... which of course, is how I got chosen in the first place.
(side note: I'd MUCH rather be given the right to vote, and do so every time possible and have to sit in a stuff court room for a month than NOT vote at all....)
Yeah... it could be much worse.
My husband texted me asking if I could call him.... I'm thinking "uh-oh... what did one of the kids do now?"
When I called him he's laughing hysterically!! When I asked what's up - his laughter redoubles as he tells me that after he got home from picking up Giblet #1 from school, there was an envelope taped to the front door from the Sheriff's office.... thinking something was terribly wrong, he opened it to find a summons.... for jury duty.... with MY name on it....
*sigh*
Oh well... I guess it could be worse....
My employer will pay for my time away....
The government will pay me for each day served...
And I get to practice my 19th amendment right... which of course, is how I got chosen in the first place.
(side note: I'd MUCH rather be given the right to vote, and do so every time possible and have to sit in a stuff court room for a month than NOT vote at all....)
Yeah... it could be much worse.
I can see! But apparently I can't "see the light"...
I don't go to church.
There!!!!
I said it!!!
I am a firm believer in science.
I disagree with most teachings of "the church".
In this great country which is supposed to give us the Freedom of Religion, why is it that I am talked down to by people for this belief? I refuse to engage in debates in the workplace regarding religion or politics. However, I inevitably let slip the fact that I think the whole notion of religion is silly. This opens me up to the most horribly uncomfortable conversations with people who think I'm a "poor lost soul" and just "doesn't know" and "you should visit MY church sometime"... blah blah blah.....
In this country, I have the freedom to believe or to NOT believe anything I want. If I want to worship a giant talking potato, I will do so and I expect to not be scorned or looked-down upon or talked-down to or any other form of social persecution not as yet mentioned and not be forced to offer up any "defense" to my stance. I believe what I believe. Let it go.
{ I should clarify: This story comes from a very brief interaction I had with a person at work a few minutes ago. I went upstairs to deliver some girl scout cookies to one person, and another person who sits next to her turned around and joined in the coversation. Perfectly nice gentleman that I have spoken to on several previous instances. Today I find out that he is a preacher.... and he immediately started in on me asking where I go to church, etc.... When I just flatly answered "I don't" the look on his face was befitting a man who had just realized he was speaking to the person who just drowned a sack full of puppies... he looked at me like I'm the WORST person in the whole world.... so all I said was "We could have this conversation all day long, but I prefer not to." and he said "Oh, yes, we will.... any time you'd like"....
The whole interaction just bothered me... who is he to think I'm lesser of a person because I don't believe the same fairy tales and superstition that he does? Who is he to persecute ME? I'm not persecuting him for his beliefs.... He's free to believe what he wants just as I am. All I ever ask of anyone is to not shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will do likewise. I typically don't even offer up my opinions unless directly asked because they are viewed as scandalous (again - unfairly, in my opinion).
I have a rather ominous feeling that this conversation will happen sooner rather than later because this man ordered some girl scout cookies... which I will be delivering to him on Monday... *sigh* Oh well..... I can firmly yet politely decline a religious conversation. } _________________________________________________________
In other news: I CAN SEE !!!! My new contact lenses came in the mail yesterday!!! I've worn contacts since I was 17 years old... however, due to the rising cost of the things, I have had to do with my glasses for the past 6 months. Today I am wearing contacts for the first time in a long time and its fabulous!! I do like my glasses... they're quite stylish and cute and black-framed. But because of my horrible eye-sight, I have no peripheral vision while wearing them. Now that I have it back, its rather tripping me out! LOL!!!
_________________________________________________________
Song of the Day: "Peaches" by the Presidents of the United States of America (.... yes.... AGAIN.... LOL!!!! its firmly STUCK in my head and refuses to go anywhere!!!)
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One of my favorite past times is "People Watching". People are funny. If they don't think anybody is looking, they do the strangest things. They also do equally strange, yet different things when they think that people ARE watching them. Yesterday, I popped into a local Kroger to pick up a few things before heading home. I was finishing up a phone conversation before getting out of the car and walking through the gusty wind into the store. As I was glancing around the parking lot, I saw an elderly lady taking her cart back to the cart corral near her vehicle. Because she was walking between other cars, for a few minutes all I could see was her white curly hair. But as she got to the cart corral, I got a good view of her whole self.....
.... and her ensemble......
..... and I nearly fell out of the car......
This lady - who was at the very least 87 year old - was wearing a short, tight, black mini skirt with black tights. A striped ribbed top with a short black leather jacket over it.
I didn't get a look at her feet - but I'd be willing to bet that they were covered in tall high-heeled boots!!
I can't decide if I admire this woman for her devotion to herself and her own personal style... or if I pity her for not having the slightest idea how she appears to the world.
Either way - it was worth sharing.
___________________________________________________________
Today's Date: January 11, 2013 - FRIDAY !!!!
Today's Weather: rainy.... :( But with a promise of warmer temps!
Today's outfit: my fave Levi's and a Girl Scout tshirt (I'm delivering cookies today... WTF else would I wear???LOL) And my oldest, most favorite green fleece zip-up hoodie. I've had this thing since I was atleast 15 or 16!! Its cozy, its comfy, it has pockets that aren't too terribly deep, but not so shallow that everything falls out - just the perfect depth to put my hands when they're cold. :) And my horrible pepto-bismal pink sneakers. Makeup? Mary Kay all around!! I look good. *wink*
Today's Mood: I was actually feeling really good.... until the whole scene from above reared its ugly head. I don't know why it upsets me so much..... actually, I do... but I'll digress for now.
Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for about the 20th time - actually listening to the audiobook at work)
_____________________________________________________________
Quotes of the day:
“Because religious belief, or non-belief, is such an important part of every person’s life, freedom of religion affects every individual. Religious institutions that use government power in support of themselves and force their views on persons of other faiths, or of no faith, undermine all our civil rights. Moreover, state support of an established religion tends to make the clergy unresponsive to their own people, and leads to corruption within religion itself. Erecting the “wall of separation between church and state,” therefore, is absolutely essential in a free society.” - Thomas Jefferson
"It is between fifty and sixty years since I read the Apocalypse, and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy, nor capable of explanation than the incoherences of our own nightly dreams.... what has no meaning admits no explanation."-- Thomas Jefferson, to Alexander Smyth, January 17, 1825
What is to be, will be, and no prayers of ours can arrest the decree.-- Abraham Lincoln
Let the human mind loose. It must be loose. It will be loose. Superstition and dogmatism cannot confine it.-- John Adams
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst."- Thomas Paine
There!!!!
I said it!!!
I am a firm believer in science.
I disagree with most teachings of "the church".
In this great country which is supposed to give us the Freedom of Religion, why is it that I am talked down to by people for this belief? I refuse to engage in debates in the workplace regarding religion or politics. However, I inevitably let slip the fact that I think the whole notion of religion is silly. This opens me up to the most horribly uncomfortable conversations with people who think I'm a "poor lost soul" and just "doesn't know" and "you should visit MY church sometime"... blah blah blah.....
In this country, I have the freedom to believe or to NOT believe anything I want. If I want to worship a giant talking potato, I will do so and I expect to not be scorned or looked-down upon or talked-down to or any other form of social persecution not as yet mentioned and not be forced to offer up any "defense" to my stance. I believe what I believe. Let it go.
{ I should clarify: This story comes from a very brief interaction I had with a person at work a few minutes ago. I went upstairs to deliver some girl scout cookies to one person, and another person who sits next to her turned around and joined in the coversation. Perfectly nice gentleman that I have spoken to on several previous instances. Today I find out that he is a preacher.... and he immediately started in on me asking where I go to church, etc.... When I just flatly answered "I don't" the look on his face was befitting a man who had just realized he was speaking to the person who just drowned a sack full of puppies... he looked at me like I'm the WORST person in the whole world.... so all I said was "We could have this conversation all day long, but I prefer not to." and he said "Oh, yes, we will.... any time you'd like"....
The whole interaction just bothered me... who is he to think I'm lesser of a person because I don't believe the same fairy tales and superstition that he does? Who is he to persecute ME? I'm not persecuting him for his beliefs.... He's free to believe what he wants just as I am. All I ever ask of anyone is to not shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will do likewise. I typically don't even offer up my opinions unless directly asked because they are viewed as scandalous (again - unfairly, in my opinion).
I have a rather ominous feeling that this conversation will happen sooner rather than later because this man ordered some girl scout cookies... which I will be delivering to him on Monday... *sigh* Oh well..... I can firmly yet politely decline a religious conversation. } _________________________________________________________
In other news: I CAN SEE !!!! My new contact lenses came in the mail yesterday!!! I've worn contacts since I was 17 years old... however, due to the rising cost of the things, I have had to do with my glasses for the past 6 months. Today I am wearing contacts for the first time in a long time and its fabulous!! I do like my glasses... they're quite stylish and cute and black-framed. But because of my horrible eye-sight, I have no peripheral vision while wearing them. Now that I have it back, its rather tripping me out! LOL!!!
_________________________________________________________
Song of the Day: "Peaches" by the Presidents of the United States of America (.... yes.... AGAIN.... LOL!!!! its firmly STUCK in my head and refuses to go anywhere!!!)
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One of my favorite past times is "People Watching". People are funny. If they don't think anybody is looking, they do the strangest things. They also do equally strange, yet different things when they think that people ARE watching them. Yesterday, I popped into a local Kroger to pick up a few things before heading home. I was finishing up a phone conversation before getting out of the car and walking through the gusty wind into the store. As I was glancing around the parking lot, I saw an elderly lady taking her cart back to the cart corral near her vehicle. Because she was walking between other cars, for a few minutes all I could see was her white curly hair. But as she got to the cart corral, I got a good view of her whole self.....
.... and her ensemble......
..... and I nearly fell out of the car......
This lady - who was at the very least 87 year old - was wearing a short, tight, black mini skirt with black tights. A striped ribbed top with a short black leather jacket over it.
I didn't get a look at her feet - but I'd be willing to bet that they were covered in tall high-heeled boots!!
I can't decide if I admire this woman for her devotion to herself and her own personal style... or if I pity her for not having the slightest idea how she appears to the world.
Either way - it was worth sharing.
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Today's Date: January 11, 2013 - FRIDAY !!!!
Today's Weather: rainy.... :( But with a promise of warmer temps!
Today's outfit: my fave Levi's and a Girl Scout tshirt (I'm delivering cookies today... WTF else would I wear???LOL) And my oldest, most favorite green fleece zip-up hoodie. I've had this thing since I was atleast 15 or 16!! Its cozy, its comfy, it has pockets that aren't too terribly deep, but not so shallow that everything falls out - just the perfect depth to put my hands when they're cold. :) And my horrible pepto-bismal pink sneakers. Makeup? Mary Kay all around!! I look good. *wink*
Today's Mood: I was actually feeling really good.... until the whole scene from above reared its ugly head. I don't know why it upsets me so much..... actually, I do... but I'll digress for now.
Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for about the 20th time - actually listening to the audiobook at work)
_____________________________________________________________
Quotes of the day:
“Because religious belief, or non-belief, is such an important part of every person’s life, freedom of religion affects every individual. Religious institutions that use government power in support of themselves and force their views on persons of other faiths, or of no faith, undermine all our civil rights. Moreover, state support of an established religion tends to make the clergy unresponsive to their own people, and leads to corruption within religion itself. Erecting the “wall of separation between church and state,” therefore, is absolutely essential in a free society.” - Thomas Jefferson
"It is between fifty and sixty years since I read the Apocalypse, and I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy, nor capable of explanation than the incoherences of our own nightly dreams.... what has no meaning admits no explanation."-- Thomas Jefferson, to Alexander Smyth, January 17, 1825
What is to be, will be, and no prayers of ours can arrest the decree.-- Abraham Lincoln
Let the human mind loose. It must be loose. It will be loose. Superstition and dogmatism cannot confine it.-- John Adams
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst."- Thomas Paine
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
*pause*
I don't know what it is about this picture that appeals to me.... I took it last May at a local golf course. I've always thought golf courses are some of the prettiest and more serene places I've ever seen.... for some reason, this particular scene just spoke to me... By the miracle of modern technology, I was able to capture it forever with my smartphone.
Being currently in the middle of January - we're very far away from getting to actually experience this peaceful, springtime atmosphere in person... but atleast for a few minutes, we can look at this picture and pretend.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
It'll Be Okay - Just Dance
And I get mad at him when he tells me good things about myself. :/ I vow that next time I see him, I’m going to apologize for cutting myself down in front of him and thank him for being there and for his kind words and for (I think) actually meaning them.
…It started when the instructor was on her little microphone happily screaming words of encouragement. “Come on girls! MOVE! Squat lower! Jump higher! HAVE FUN! … but don’t do this for me! DO THIS FOR YOU!” –for a moment I really thought about going up to her after class and telling her “my story” and thank her for reminding me of things deep down I guess I already knew. --- doesn’t mean I wont still have bad days. Doesn’t mean I don’t still hate my body… but knowing that I can go there and have someone chipper and encouraging and having fun and pushing me harder … and then to have the “love” of a good friend (male) who – let’s be honest here… has shown me more love in my life than any man. (including, and possibly especially… my dad). Because of them… I really think I can do this. It’s not doing it for them. It’s for me. But I guess I feel like me pushing myself harder and getting results (eventually) that that is somehow my ‘thank you’. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for pushing me. … Thank You For Loving Me.
Health: other than waking up feeling like my hip was completely dislocated from my pelvis… I feel fine. And it has nothing to do with dance class or the gym… but rather my “bed” – or lack thereof. Still sleeping on the futon. My bed is sitting in my parents garage until they can get it to me. *sigh*. When I do finally get my bed, I’m taking a day off from everything and staying there ALL DAY!
Also – being a lot more self-aware when it comes to my posture. Sitting up a little more straight. (working on those core muscles)
Weather: ffffffrrrreeeeeeeeeeeezzzziiiinnngggg!!! But I’ve got a space heater at my desk and hot tea (raspberry) so I’m feeling better
Outfit: uh. Jeans ( I don’t know the brand) a pink Style&Co ribbed tank (can you tell I worked at Macy’s) and a black, long sleeved Harley Davidson hooded “waffle” shirt. With extra-long sleeves and a hole cut out (factory) for the thumb. (with wings on the back) and the TK IV II I symbol painted on the hand with fabric paint. Pink and black Pumas
>>> nails: same OPI nail polish from yesterday
>>>accessories: I have my homemade headbands on and my Ed Hardy dog tag
>>>makeup: simple. Just neutrals and browns. Very soft and earthy.
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day:
Song of the Day: Lady Gaga Just Dance
-Gotta go make that $! brb
xoxo - Roxy
When I grow up.........
Everybody - at some point in their childhood was assigned an essay to write about what they wanted to be/do/accomplish when they grow up. If not, they spent a great deal of time thinking about it.
Personally - my childhood thoughts of being a grown-up consisted of staying up as late as I wanted, eating whatever I wanted (whenver I wanted), NOT going to school, voting, and not having anybody tell me what to do, and above all: freedom. Nobody ever told me that when I did receive each of these freedoms, there would be strings attached.... nobody ever told me I was dreaming a pipe dream...
When we were being told "You can be whatever you want to be" they conveniently forgot to mention that there was a big huge ominous "but" at the end of that sentence....which then began a whole new sentence (a pun consisting of the multiple meanins of "sentence"... think about it)
But back to my original childhood dreams of being grownup....Well.....Let's examine each one of them individually, shall we?
Staying up late: Sure.... I do stay up past my childhood bedtime of 8:30pm, but this is mainly due to the fact that piles of household chores must be done, some of which can't even begin until after my own children are in bed. In grown-up fantasy land - I'd be in bed the minute I arrived home from work... staying up late is FAR overrated....
Eating whatever/whenever I want: The 80+ pounds of excess body weight I'm currently carrying can easily answer that question. No - I'd be better off having someone else plan my meals for me.... LOL!!!
NOT going to school: Once I had the freedom to NOT go to school - I took advantage of it. The kick in the head came when I realized that if I'm not going to school (post-high school) then I had to get a job... OMG.... a JOB ?!?!?!?! Nobody ever mentioned what a shitty deal this is !!! Sure - there's no essays, research papers or calculus tests.... but the nasty homework that comes along with a job is PAYING BILLS !!! *cringe* I'd rather have the calculus....
not having anybody tell me what to do: >excuse me while I laugh my ass off< HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA..... *wipes tear* I still have my parents telling me what to do.... my bosses at work tell me what to do... my children tell me what to do... and of course the government tells me what to do... (at this point I will abruptly STOP speaking on this line of thought because this blog is not intended to be deeply political... if I am permitted to continue down this road, it will become so)
Freedom: This is perhaps, the most hilarious of all. Yes, I have the freedom to eat what I want, and watch what I want on TV (provided I can pay for the cable service) and wear what clothes I want (if I can find something decent in my gargantuan size) and practice (or not) whatever religious beliefs I may prefer (the government doesn't persecute for this... but society sure as hell still does)
Yes - I do have these few pseudo-freedoms.....each has their own stipulation, mostly to do with money. This takes me back up to the not-going-to-school "perk"... yes, in order to take advantage of most freedoms afforded to us adults, I need money. In order to get money, I must work a job. In order to get paid from said job, I must show up at a prearranged time each and every day, perform perfectly and make pleasantries with other people around me. <side note: the other people around me also claim to be grownup... however, more often than not, these other grownups spend the vast majority of their time acting like children of varying immaturity levels>
Since I must spend x amount of time at a job to get my meager restitution, I have very little time for the "freedoms" that led me to seek a job in the first place. For example: travel - no, I can't travel anywhere of note because that would take a large amount of time - time which I cannot take away from work because they would stop paying me. Since travel is no longer free (and foot travel is now frowned-upon) money is required for that as well.... if you're traveling out of the country, there are certain FEES (more money) and documents required in order to even be granted permission (again - freedom??) to go....
*sigh* I digress......
OH!! And let's not forget the many little hidden "joys" of being an adult woman...
(other than the montly surprises designed simply to let us know we're not pregnant..)
Nobody ever told me about the social prejudices, the domestic expectations, the self-criticism that evolves out of nothing...
And if you dare to gain any extra weight...a whole NEW set of "joys" are suddenly yours: You're thought to be lazy & dirty... Cute clothes are damn near impossible to find...You sweat in the strangest places... And if you're lucky enough to have squeezed out a baby or two - you pee your pants every time you dare to cough, sneeze, or sometimes, even laugh too hard. NOPE - nobody ever told me about THAT!!!
If I believed in a diety, I'd take this evidence I have laid out to you, and put it in a most sincere request to revert myself back to a state of permanent childhood. (with a bit of colorful "WTF were you THINKING" launguage somewhere in the middle, of course - LMAO)
{This ends the ranting part of today's entry... now back to our regularly scheduled program}
Date: January 8, 2013
Weather: REALLY cold - but with a promise of 60+ degrees over the weekend
Health: I bit my tongue yesterday at some point - so now half of it is swollen and irritated, making it difficult to speak, swallow and eat anything.
Song of the Day: "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America (courtesy of my 9 year old daughter, who for some inexplicable reason was singing it at breakfast this morning)
I am without picture or quote of the day.... however, stay tuned... if my mood continues down this road, I very well might update later (actually I think I'm required to do so since I never did post an entry yesterday :-\)
Personally - my childhood thoughts of being a grown-up consisted of staying up as late as I wanted, eating whatever I wanted (whenver I wanted), NOT going to school, voting, and not having anybody tell me what to do, and above all: freedom. Nobody ever told me that when I did receive each of these freedoms, there would be strings attached.... nobody ever told me I was dreaming a pipe dream...
When we were being told "You can be whatever you want to be" they conveniently forgot to mention that there was a big huge ominous "but" at the end of that sentence....which then began a whole new sentence (a pun consisting of the multiple meanins of "sentence"... think about it)
But back to my original childhood dreams of being grownup....Well.....Let's examine each one of them individually, shall we?
Staying up late: Sure.... I do stay up past my childhood bedtime of 8:30pm, but this is mainly due to the fact that piles of household chores must be done, some of which can't even begin until after my own children are in bed. In grown-up fantasy land - I'd be in bed the minute I arrived home from work... staying up late is FAR overrated....
Eating whatever/whenever I want: The 80+ pounds of excess body weight I'm currently carrying can easily answer that question. No - I'd be better off having someone else plan my meals for me.... LOL!!!
NOT going to school: Once I had the freedom to NOT go to school - I took advantage of it. The kick in the head came when I realized that if I'm not going to school (post-high school) then I had to get a job... OMG.... a JOB ?!?!?!?! Nobody ever mentioned what a shitty deal this is !!! Sure - there's no essays, research papers or calculus tests.... but the nasty homework that comes along with a job is PAYING BILLS !!! *cringe* I'd rather have the calculus....
not having anybody tell me what to do: >excuse me while I laugh my ass off< HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA..... *wipes tear* I still have my parents telling me what to do.... my bosses at work tell me what to do... my children tell me what to do... and of course the government tells me what to do... (at this point I will abruptly STOP speaking on this line of thought because this blog is not intended to be deeply political... if I am permitted to continue down this road, it will become so)
Freedom: This is perhaps, the most hilarious of all. Yes, I have the freedom to eat what I want, and watch what I want on TV (provided I can pay for the cable service) and wear what clothes I want (if I can find something decent in my gargantuan size) and practice (or not) whatever religious beliefs I may prefer (the government doesn't persecute for this... but society sure as hell still does)
Yes - I do have these few pseudo-freedoms.....each has their own stipulation, mostly to do with money. This takes me back up to the not-going-to-school "perk"... yes, in order to take advantage of most freedoms afforded to us adults, I need money. In order to get money, I must work a job. In order to get paid from said job, I must show up at a prearranged time each and every day, perform perfectly and make pleasantries with other people around me. <side note: the other people around me also claim to be grownup... however, more often than not, these other grownups spend the vast majority of their time acting like children of varying immaturity levels>
Since I must spend x amount of time at a job to get my meager restitution, I have very little time for the "freedoms" that led me to seek a job in the first place. For example: travel - no, I can't travel anywhere of note because that would take a large amount of time - time which I cannot take away from work because they would stop paying me. Since travel is no longer free (and foot travel is now frowned-upon) money is required for that as well.... if you're traveling out of the country, there are certain FEES (more money) and documents required in order to even be granted permission (again - freedom??) to go....
*sigh* I digress......
OH!! And let's not forget the many little hidden "joys" of being an adult woman...
(other than the montly surprises designed simply to let us know we're not pregnant..)
Nobody ever told me about the social prejudices, the domestic expectations, the self-criticism that evolves out of nothing...
And if you dare to gain any extra weight...a whole NEW set of "joys" are suddenly yours: You're thought to be lazy & dirty... Cute clothes are damn near impossible to find...You sweat in the strangest places... And if you're lucky enough to have squeezed out a baby or two - you pee your pants every time you dare to cough, sneeze, or sometimes, even laugh too hard. NOPE - nobody ever told me about THAT!!!
If I believed in a diety, I'd take this evidence I have laid out to you, and put it in a most sincere request to revert myself back to a state of permanent childhood. (with a bit of colorful "WTF were you THINKING" launguage somewhere in the middle, of course - LMAO)
{This ends the ranting part of today's entry... now back to our regularly scheduled program}
Date: January 8, 2013
Weather: REALLY cold - but with a promise of 60+ degrees over the weekend
Health: I bit my tongue yesterday at some point - so now half of it is swollen and irritated, making it difficult to speak, swallow and eat anything.
Song of the Day: "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America (courtesy of my 9 year old daughter, who for some inexplicable reason was singing it at breakfast this morning)
I am without picture or quote of the day.... however, stay tuned... if my mood continues down this road, I very well might update later (actually I think I'm required to do so since I never did post an entry yesterday :-\)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Best Weekend EVER!! (woo-wee!!)
Today’s Date: 1.7.13
Mood: fricken’ awesome! I’m tired. I’m sore (Just Dance Roanoke- woot) but happy as a pig yelling “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” all the way home! #maxwell
Health: no complaints
Outfit: light wash, wide leg, American Eagle jeans. Black, Style&Co ribbed tank, my (new) plum, burnout ‘Just Dance: Roanoke’ hooded t-shirt (LOVE THIS THING! – so cute! So comfy!) boring white Nike socks and NOT MY BLACK NIKE’s. Today I’m wearing my black and pink Puma running shoes. (I FINALLY found the other one!)
Weather: cold
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day:
Nine Inch Nails – Closer (I really want Trent Reznor to be hot in this video again… but there’s that Professor Snape thing…. lol!)
Picture of the Day: Is personal, so I’m not sharing it. ;) <3
THE WEEKEND!!: BEST WEEKEND YET! I am seriously loving 2013! HA!! – started off Friday night joining Just Dance Roanoke (Just Dance Roanoke) had my first “dance” class. Went home, got a shower, made a good, healthy dinner and then went out with my usual group of friends… plus one! *le sigh*. Just getting to hang out with certain people on a close level and personal… I cant describe it. :`) *dazes off for a moment* And then Saturday morning, I got up, went to Starbucks, went home, took shower, went to the mall with a couple buddies and had a blast there too!! Got home… took a nap…. Picked up the girls and went out to see the boys! This is the last show for a while… until February at least. Boo. (is it February yet?) and then Sunday was baby day! Spent the day with Kenlee playing piano and guitar! Video of that too!! Just gotta load it on the YouTubes….
Eh. Monday mornings. So much to do. brb
xoxo - Roxy
Today’s Date: 1.7.13
Mood: fricken’ awesome! I’m tired. I’m sore (Just Dance Roanoke- woot) but happy as a pig yelling “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” all the way home! #maxwell
Health: no complaints
Outfit: light wash, wide leg, American Eagle jeans. Black, Style&Co ribbed tank, my (new) plum, burnout ‘Just Dance: Roanoke’ hooded t-shirt (LOVE THIS THING! – so cute! So comfy!) boring white Nike socks and NOT MY BLACK NIKE’s. Today I’m wearing my black and pink Puma running shoes. (I FINALLY found the other one!)
>>> nails: *HAPPY FACE* I got O.P.I Liquid Sand (the Mariah Carey line) in “Stay The Night” – it’s a deep, deep purple (so deep, it’s basically black) with dark fuchsia glitter sparks… the texture has taken some time getting used to… but now I love it! –it’s made to look like, well, liquid sand. To me it looks like you painted your nails with colored sugar.
Weather: cold
Currently reading: 11/22/63 – Stephen King
Thought/Quote of the Day:
"It wont always be easy. But it will always be worth it"
Song of the Day: Picture of the Day: Is personal, so I’m not sharing it. ;) <3
THE WEEKEND!!: BEST WEEKEND YET! I am seriously loving 2013! HA!! – started off Friday night joining Just Dance Roanoke (Just Dance Roanoke) had my first “dance” class. Went home, got a shower, made a good, healthy dinner and then went out with my usual group of friends… plus one! *le sigh*. Just getting to hang out with certain people on a close level and personal… I cant describe it. :`) *dazes off for a moment* And then Saturday morning, I got up, went to Starbucks, went home, took shower, went to the mall with a couple buddies and had a blast there too!! Got home… took a nap…. Picked up the girls and went out to see the boys! This is the last show for a while… until February at least. Boo. (is it February yet?) and then Sunday was baby day! Spent the day with Kenlee playing piano and guitar! Video of that too!! Just gotta load it on the YouTubes….
Eh. Monday mornings. So much to do. brb
xoxo - Roxy
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